You might ask the same questions yourself: “Is casual sex bad for me?” “Should I have sex with someone I just met?” Or maybe you’ve been around people who’ve had casual sex and would like to know what they’ve been doing. But let’s face it, the stigma around having sex without a relationship is strong. What do the studies say?
I’d love a little ball of fuzz on my stomach… After finding out I was pregnant, I hovered above my shower, towel in hand, waiting for the waves to fade. It felt like I was waiting for a wave of endorphins to clear after a runner’s high, only they were inside my body instead of some powdery cream.
Sex is great, isn’t it? It’s intimate, it’s fun, it’s fulfilling – everyone else’s idea of the perfect way to spend time together. There are times, however, when this can all be taken a little too far – or when it just doesn’t work. This kind of problem can be very easy to get oneself into, and a little too easy to be accidentally caused. If you find that you’re falling in love with a person you have just met, or having an ‘off’ week in bed, then there’s a simple way to tell if you are having ‘casual’ love.
But not all hookups are created equal. You need to be careful, just as you would be when meeting someone face-to-face. Sex after a few dates or when a long-term relationship is in progress can be a different situation, as you are more emotionally invested and therefore more vulnerable. Know where you’re going to have sex before you get there, and have an escape plan if things start to get uncomfortable.
If you’ve been having a dry spell, you might be wondering what the benefits of having casual sex are, and whether casual sex will satisfy the cravings in your heart and satisfy the needs in your sex life.
There are as many cultures that measure casual sex as there are the individuals who engage in it. Some cultures embrace casual sex; in others, it is abhorred. In general, however, casual sex is accepted and may even be encouraged in many modern cultures. Common rationales include the freedom, the economic pressure, and the pursuit of novelty.
Great sex is a combination of scientific discovery
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The average American woman has slept with a bazillion partners; she’s been kissed by over a million different tongues; she’s indulged in intercourse with millions of different men. She’s lain under the stars with dozens of starry-eyed lovers, kissed on the lips by strangers in Times Square, squeezed out a wet squirt in a torrential downpour on her knees on a beach, and snuck a quick dip in the pool in a thong bikini. But most of all, she’s awakened from her sensual dreams with throbbing bedsores and the weight of a baby on her swollen belly.
Choosing to have sex with an individual you don’t trust, respect, or love can quickly lead to dissatisfaction and unsatisfied expectations. At that moment, you have the power over the other person because you’re the one insisting on their physical position. It’s quite literal.
So does casual sex have a negative impact on a relationship? According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, we all know that it can be the way to go for once. Published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior by University of Texas, researchers found that while the shorter-term impact of hookups was mostly positive, the negative effect of casual sex on relationship success does exist.
The broader, long-term impact of casual sex on a relationship varies. In one study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researcher Dr. Maryam Keshavarzian analyzed the frequency of casual sex among adolescents and how this might relate to the frequency of risk-taking behavior. She found that adolescents who were exposed to the frequent presence of casual sex situations tended to behave more recklessly and engage in high-risk behavior.
But for a lot of people, the best sex is good sex.
Bad sex is a problem?
A part of our culture is probably conditioned to believe that casual sex is always bad sex, specifically for our female counterparts. There’s this distinct and consistent message that women can’t control their sexual urges, therefore they should never have casual sex.
That’s totally not what we’re saying. The better sex, whether you’re having it with a casual partner or with your fiancé, is real sex that takes into account all of your feelings and needs. However, when a person isn’t open with you about their lifestyle, it can be hard to know what their needs actually are.
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