It all started when I was a junior in college. I was in love with this one girl. I knew she liked me, and I knew she was into porn. It was standard, but I was newly in control, and it felt safe to take it to the next level. I’d meet up with her in random bars or clubs with friends, and we’d talk about her porn habits. Before long, I knew exactly where she liked to get off. Sometimes she’d give me instructions like, “walk towards me” or “let me push you on the bed”. I’d always follow her directions like a good little boy. I’d tell her what was about to come next. Was I cheating on anyone? Sure, she and her friends. She just wasn’t acting the same around me. One time, she even brought a girl, almost like I was doing something wrong. That was my breaking point. I wanted no part of her casual way of having sex.
I didn’t want her to think that I’d left her, that we were exclusive. It was the first time I’d ever been intimate in a sexual relationship. It was weird at first. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to please my girlfriend. I was in control and turned her on and off like I was planning a show. I could tell she was coming, and I was so proud of myself — for the first time in a long time, I was excited to get up and do something with my life. I could actually imagine what it would feel like to wake up next to her every day. I felt like I had a purpose.
When she told me she was moving out to Arizona, I felt like I was losing the only part of her that I loved. All I could do was watch the doors open as she left me behind.
In an effort to counter the never-ending proliferation of articles and tv shows bemoaning the demise of good old-fashioned romance, dating apps — or at least one app — are providing a friendlier alternative. Hook-up apps have been around for years (we reported on one called Tinder in January 2016), but in recent years, they’ve exploded.
Make use of the fact that meeting people on dating apps is so easy — the dating apps are great for matching up, and if you haven’t taken advantage of this type of thing before, there’s no reason not to get out there. You can feel free to move onto the dirty stuff
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During this fraught time, casual sex has emerged as a common path to pleasure. “It’s the excuse you need, whether you have trouble with emotional and relationship difficulties or with finding intimacy and long-term relationships,” Samantha Brown, a relationship and sex therapist in London, says of casual sex.
She’s certainly not anti-hookup culture, noting that it can be an effective way of avoiding commitment, but she thinks that what casual sex truly represents — and especially in an era of increased sexual freedom — is the need to get laid.
“The idea of casual sex is not a quickie that is done without thought or consideration,” she says. “Casual sex is when you’re having a sexual interaction in any way other than an ongoing commitment.”
Casual sex doesn’t always have to revolve around sex, though. It can include kissing, sensual touching, and just plain hanging out, without having sex.
How casual sex can affect your sex life
Although casual sex can be fun, it doesn’t always end up being healthy. After all, a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior last year found that out of women who had casual sex — defined as one-night stands or sex with more than one person, and usually without a condom or other barriers — that 45% experienced an orgasm during that encounter, compared with 44% of women who had vaginal intercourse with a primary partner.
What’s more, the study found that women who had sex with multiple casual partners were likely to report having many more partners on average, and that those women were more likely to say that they were not interested in relationships at all. The study found that a high percentage of women who had casual sex, or who had relationships that spanned multiple sex acts with different partners, also had many different types of sex.
Dr. Sarah Hrdy, author of Mother Nature and mother of twins, told Time that although they come from separate studies, she believed the finding that more people have casual sex was related to the rise of vibrators.
“I think women start using vibrators and get turned on by other women instead of men. But one thing that is problematic is that it has come to be associated with casual sex or non-serious relationships,” she said. “As women take on more and more responsibility in the marketplace, people who are not good at that — that is, men —
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